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#actuallyaudhd

3 posts3 participants0 posts today

My #adhd super power is randomly making small but quite important objects vanish completely, never to be seen again.

In other news, if anyone has any idea where my comb might be, please let me know. Last remembered in the dish rack by the sink because it needed a wash, and I have a vague recollection of taking it out to put back and... maybe putting it on a flat surface? But it's not on any of them. It's not under or behind any of them.

Help!

My last three (3) braincells attempting to decide what I’m doing today.

One of them is autism, one of them is ADHD, and the other is the desire to not do anything productive at all. I think the dogs that are fighting are autism and ADHD, and the woman screaming is my desire to not do anything productive at all. The woman just wants to sit and watch more trash TV until some form of inspiration hits, and then she’ll do something. Except there are two huge dogs going goblin mode in front of her 😭

This is my current mood. I’ve been resting a lot because my guts still hurt off and on, and honestly watching TV that I like is helping my brain rest and get more inspiration for my writing in the long term. Plus, as Laz has said before, it’s nice to be able to be a fan of things again. It’s been years since we’ve been able to do that.

Aside from this post and talking to people, will I get anything else productive done? I’m not sure. But I’ll do my best if I’m so inspired.

-Allēna

The hardest part about unmasking is developing the courage and resilience to act against the interest of another person (usually by upholding a personal boundary you've ignored so far) and to then strike the right balance in determining who deserves an explanation (because they actually want to listen) and who is a lost cause and just wants you to admit that you're wrong.

It's a really odd thing to go through when so far you've tried to please everyone. Who are you to put your judgement over the judgement of other people?

#asd #adhd #actuallyaudhd

I was raised to accept that life will hurt and that survival is the goal—by a parent who is likely also #asd himself. My BFF (that is, other than my wife) recently said to me, "Survival is insufficient" (which was ironic because he didn't know he was quoting #startrekvoyager).

After my ASD diagnosis last week, I'm only just now returning to coherence enough to see that my life will have to change a lot. It has hurt too much, for too long, and too consistently living as I have. At a minimum, it will hugely change what I consider doing to earn an income. It is already changing how I communicate with people: more text and less spoken.

Speaking about feelings and emotions is so much harder for me than writing about them! I often literally hurt from the mental and emotional constipation of finding and speaking the words in real time.

I have books to read on ASD that came recommended. Maybe I'll be able to start today. I've had a lot of resistance, this past week, to facing these new truths. I know there will be a lot of tears and anger.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Replied in thread

@cybervegan @bughuntercat @actuallyautistic @pathfinder That does seem to be the case; my partner is #ActuallyADHD and I am #ActuallyAuDHD, and we totally recognized each other from about 2800 miles (4506 km) apart, over a skype call. We tweeted for the longest time back and forth. My social awkwardness meant that it was about 3-4 years before we actually spoke again, and when we did, we never looked back. At first I saw us as chosen siblings, but then I had zero experience with such things. Within 4 months, I came to visit her, and thus began some of the best weeks of my life, as we hung out, goofed off, and generally had an outright blast, and I finally let down some of my masking for a time. When I went home, it felt wrong somehow, like something was missing, something was off. As she was still working at the time, and I could afford to make it happen, it was I who moved in with her in May of 2014, and it was at that time we realized we weren't just siblings, but a couple. Unconventional, perhaps, but we loved each other more than anything, more than just family. We were two halves of a whole. It's 11 years later, and we couldn't imagine life without the other.

Replied in thread

TL;DR: if you wanna be a better person practice to wait a second every time you feel angry/scared/"other strong emotion" before you act. Just one second! Then think "what do I wanna do now?" and you will be able to think of better options. Better than the option you would have chosen if you didn't wait that second.

BOOM! Congrats, you're a better person than a second ago.

7/6

Usually it's some form of worthiness wound that pushes us to self-defense. Something we learned in our pasts that still lingers and makes us think "I am unworthy/unlovable/broken". We don't *want* to believe it but what if they're right?

When we are hit by words that feed into that belief, that insecurity, then we must push that possibility away. We are not like that! We cannot be!

1/6

> The foreword to the landmark 1980 DSM-III was appropriately modest and acknowledged that this diagnostic system was imprecise - so imprecise that it never should be used for forensic or insurance purposes. As we will see, that modesty was tragically short-lived.
- The Body Keeps the Score (p. 33) by Bessel Van der Kolk

WHAT THE FUCK?! EXCUSE ME?! THE DSM DID _WHAT_?!

And yet here we are. LOLOLOLOLOL

If I come across anyone who invalidates self-diagnosis again then I'm gonna smack them with this quote so hard that they get knocked out of our solar system. -Vox

#neurodivergent #DSM #psychology #psychiatry #diagnosis #selfDiagnosis #ADHD #actuallyADHD #autism #autistic #actuallyAutistic #AuDHD #actuallyAuDHD #plural #plurality #actuallyPlural @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

I just hurt the person I love because I am overstimulated and snapped at them while they themselves were wrestling with complex emotions.

I apologized and let them know it was not their fault but man, I wish it'd be easier to recognize when I'm reaching my limit. It's frustrating to notice after the fact that I wasn't in any condition to navigate any kind of conflict because then it's obviously too late. Haven't quite figured that one out yet and I gather I never will entirely. So all I have are accountability and self-compassion.

Seeking tips from other ADHDers/AuDHDers:

Weird issue where if I commit myself to doing something, i.e. doing a specific task at a specific time of the day, even setting up alerts, blocking my calendar, etc., I will eventually (usually after a few days) ignore my own reminders and cannot stick with it and it becomes a habit to just ignore myself.

Backlogged work, alarms for going to work, tasks to stay on top of for home, exercising, etc. Actual genuinely important things but brain is just like "no this is not important, ignore it!" in the moment.

Is there anything that's worked for you to stick with things like this, outside of letting them get to a level of urgency/panic? I don't want to get to the point of stressing myself out in order to get basic requirements done.

Replied in thread

@DoomsdaysCW @actuallyautistic I've been a musician all my life, only recently getting more in touch with my composition side. I learned to read both print and Braille music, though I can't read print music fast enough for it to be worthwhile. I play a bit of a bunch of instruments, but I'd say my main instrument is voice.
***Hashtags Here:***
#Music #Singer #songwriter #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAuDHD #composing #Composition

Thanks to @actuallyautistic folk yesterday on a Q of exec function. 🙏

I’m checking out the demand & preferred name for a new group for #AuDHD “women of a certain age”, I.e. menopausal or post-meno lasses.

How about @AuDHDcrones (at a.gup.pe) for a snappy descriptor? As we’re not maidens anymore.

Too insulting?

@AuDHDmeno? @AuDHDauldgal?

Suggestions welcome ✨

#actuallyautistic #actuallyaudhd #adhd

@GinevraCat
@AnAutieAtUni
@A_bee

Replied in thread

In the #ActuallyAutistic / #ActuallyAuDHD department, things are predictably taxing. Getting to know a ton of new people, 100+ people in a room, tons of new, unfamiliar environments and noises. People chatting *during* lectures (1st semester students thinking they're still in school, not knowing they can *just leave* 🙃). I was pretty exhausted after these four days. But I'm pretty sure things will be better next week, because I now know what to expect. Plus, the campus is very cozy and calm.

What is executive dysfunction to me?
It's coming in to work, sitting down, knowing exactly what I need to get done, knowing how to prioritize work, knowing that if I think my way through tasks I can accomplish them, knowing what my schedule is, knowing what my priorities are
But when it's time to get something done, I avoid it
I delay it
I tell myself "This is not required right now"
Or "The deadline is unclear so let's let it sit"
Or "This task will take forever, do I have to do it right now?"
When I get a DM, panic sets in. What do they want? Am I about to be dragged down a rabbit hole?
A phone call. Let it go, pretend I was away from my desk
I have to call someone? Can I do it later when I feel more up to it?
Those reports I have to get done with no timeline? Save those for when I have more free time
Eat all the quick tasks, nothing but mountains left on my plate
It's all a twisted reaction to my time being eaten
My last spoons being taken away from me
Emotional dysregulation to come
And the backlog piles up
I'm not actually lazy, I'm fucking terrified