Ello sweet and lovely Friendos

Some moments, I love my brain, other moments, I really hate the way it treats me...

Like, I know I want to do something. Or I know I need to do something. I make this plan of how I want to do it all. And then I agree that it's a good plan.

So, I start the plan. And it starts off well. Step one and two are a success. So then, onwards to step three. And that's when part of my brain goes like "nah, I've had enough now, I don't wanna do that other thing, I just dismiss it and then stress over it later, as then it really needs doing".

I just wanna do it as I planned it. Keep away the stress. Have it done ahead of time, so I can relax afterwards.

Even if it's "just" something that I want to do for me, that won't impact others in any way... Even then, I beat myself up over it.

Why does my brain think of this great plan, and then it won't want to finish all the steps? Why is it OK with the first two steps, before losing interest for the next one?

Is this the part where my ADHD part is rebelling against the autistic bits? Where the ADHD (my "focus" is apparently on the H bit, according to the diagnosis) is losing interest, as it's focused long enough and, hey, I did those two things, didn't I?!

Ah well, I pressured myself into not forgoing the third thing, and I'm doing it now. But I do hope I'll be able to focus enough on it to do a proper "job".

Yeah, my brain can be my best friend at times, but also my biggest enemy (especially when it's inviting the dark monster back into my life)...

Fankoos for your support on my journey through life...

#PixysJourney
#NeuroSpicy
#ActuallyAutistic
#ActuallyADHD
#ActuallyAuDHD

I hope @altbot can help me with my image, then I'll edit the Toot to add the alt text.

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 505 , Sunday 16/03/2025

Sunday started around 07:30 & has been a quiet & relaxed day.

I’ve read a little & we binge watched ‘The Long Shadow’.

We had lasagne for tea & finished the evening with an episode of ‘Poirot’, the TV equivalent of a warm bath.

Final Thoughts.

Some days go really slowly, some in the blink of an eye. Today was one of the latter!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 504 , Saturday 15/03/2025

Saturday started around 7am with the sun streaming in thru the blinds in my bedroom.

It’s been a quiet day with not much to differentiate it from most days.

I managed to read some more of my book, this time without any startling revelations so that’s probably a relief to regular readers!

Cleaned some more gravel, but my hands are really not enjoying the whole cold water in cold weather thing so after about 20 minutes I’d had enough.

Played some ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ once my hands had warmed up & the chilblains had passed.

Mrs S got home around 1pm so we had a fairly light lunch then caught up on some TV.

We had a Chinese takeaway for tea - I went for duck in plum sauce but I had forgotten that the takeaway we chose doesn’t do it very well - it was all soggy batter in a gelatinous goo.

While the food was somewhat 2nd rate the movie that accompanied it was rather good, we went for ‘Gladiator 2’ which is a massive homage to the original but wasn’t at all bad as a sequel. It did not move me the way that ‘Gladiator’ did but then that was an awesome movie, one of those that is a true experience not simply a Friday night at the flicks!

Final Thoughts.

I was looking for something uplifting to end with & read that the chairperson of every political party in Greenland had signed a missive to the orange oaf essentially telling him to sod off & keep his pussy groping paws off their homeland! Go Greenland!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

I am a Warden. And always will be.

(This is a very personal work)
⁨#FediArt⁩ ⁨#MastoArt⁩ ⁨#KritaArt⁩ ⁨#NeuroSpicy⁩ ⁨#Skull⁩ ⁨#Bird⁩ ⁨#NatureMorte⁩

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 502 , Thursday 13/03/2025

Thursday started around 7am, but getting out of bed was a bit of a struggle so I read until about 7:30.

It has been a cold mostly grey day with intermittent showers!

I did my chores & a few extra ones Mrs S had left for me then I had a ‘Peaky Blinders’ fest.

I did go out around 3pm to clean a bit more gravel, it was so cold, about -1ºC with the wind chill, but I stuck at it until a hail shower stopped play about ½ an hour in. My hands were very cold, & very painful to warm up.

Finished the day off chasing the mongols around ancient Japan. The game is getting harder with more enemies to tackle in the newly started Act 2.

Final Thoughts.

Thinking about what Sami & I spoke about yesterday I wonder if there is actually any help for me. Perhaps the help & guidance I’m seeking is not available. Perhaps I just need to suck it up & face life’s problems as best I can as I always have.

Hey ho, day by day until the last day.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 501 , Wednesday 12/03/2025

Wednesday has been a quiet day for the most part.
Had a very disturbed night again but got up just after 7am just the same.
Breakfast & chores followed.

The weather was a mix of rain, sleet, hail & a couple of sunny spells for good measure, I went out just be fore lunch to clean another bucket full of gravel & empty the compost tub in one of those sunny spells. The gravel cleaning was cut suddenly short by a heavy rain squall!
The fish seem happier & the pond water is crystal clear - which would be fine if it didn’t reveal all the gunge at the bottom of the pond! I will need to clean that once the weather is warm enough to evict the fish to temporary housing without them dying of shock!

Had a talk therapy session today, it covered some more uncomfortable ground, I look back & it’s like I spend most of my time whining to Sami about stuff - I’m not sure if this is helpful.

Started to binge watch ‘Peaky Blinders’ today, I had forgotten what a good series it is!

Played a little ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ just before tea.

Decided to ditch the pie & salad combo that Mrs S insists on getting & had the pie with some carrots, peas & baby potatoes. A nice change!

We’ve finally gotten around to watching ‘Mr Bates v The Post Office’ - yes I know were very much behind the times - it’s a right eye opener, as a senior tech in the financial world I’m shocked at some of the practices that were going on - test teams with live access WTF! That said in one of my lives I had to come down hard on testing teams nicking off with production resources during overnight processing!

Final Thoughts.

I sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t just be easier to crawl back under the rock I hid under during the pandemic & hide away from the world.
I have no clear idea of what I want or where I am going - oh I can spout the ‘required’ responses with the best of them, but thinking about it they just seem like rote answers.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 500 , Tuesday 11/03/2025

Ohhh crumbs 500 days already!

It’s a shame that it was such a normal day!

Tuesday started around 7am, it took a little time to get out of bed as I had a bit of a rough night last night with muscles complaint & getting pins & needles in my arms every time I followed over to try & find a comfy position.
Finally got up about ½ an hour later, went down got breakfast & then settled down with my book while I brank my coffee.

I’m reading William Horwood’s ‘The Stonor Eagles’ a book that I got for my birthday as a teenager. It was a bit of a hard read back then but I must admit that I’m enjoying it a lot more second time around. I think that I struggled with the whole art world references back then & the book failed to hold my interest. I’m still not into art but I do appreciate the imagery that old WH is trying to convey now I’m older.

Went outside at around 11am & spent an hour cleaning some more gravel - the sun was shining but it was cold, a little above 5ºC. I called it a day when the clouds arrived bringing their delivery of rain!

Had soup for lunch & then read for a while again. Finished the afternoon with a quick trip to ancient Japan via ‘Ghost of Tsushima’.

Final Thoughts.

It struck me that sometimes books, like wine need one to acquire a ‘taste’ for them before one can enjoy them to their full. I’m glad I decided to read ‘The Stonor Eagles’ again, I know the first time I read it I largely skipped the parts about the humans in the story & concentrated on the story of Cuillin the Sea Eagle, I did enjoy that part because the memory of enjoying it stuck with me.
This time around I’m enjoying the whole story, seeing how the story of Jim Stonor ties in with eagles & understanding the complex interplay between the different threads that WH wove.

Perhaps there is a link here between my growing understanding of my ASD self & my deepening understanding of this book?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

One hour until my live free workshop starts, on how to make the "I'm autistic" conversation go better. Register for the Zoom link.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/

Last chance for my live free workshop on how to make the "I'm autistic" conversation go better.
Starts soon.
https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 499 , Monday 10/03/2025

Monday started at just before 7am.

Breakfast was followed by some chores that couldn’t wait & then it was back out to the filter bed.

So todays progress:

*Water feed pipework reinstalled.
*About a ⅓ of the gravel cleaned, enough to cover the pipework.
*Trusty stress ball relieved of plugging duty & is back indoors drying out.
*Pump running again & water flow restored.

There are a couple more days of gravel cleaning to go, although it might take longer as the temperatures are due to fall significantly over the next week or so! Also there are a couple of rainy days forecast & I hate working outdoors in the rain!

At some point I will have to replant the filter bed to get the full power of the reed bed back up & running.

A naughty pizza for tea, I need to get back onto something like a decent diet or all this hard work won’t be reflected in my waistline!

Final Thoughts.

Quite pleased with my progress today, although I did have to stamp down hard on myself when I started hyper focusing on getting the pipework routed just so - sometimes I can get too fixated on one aspect of a job to the detriment of the project as a whole. At least now I know I’m doing it & why I’m doing it which goes a long way to being able to correct such behaviours!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Want to tell someone you're Autistic but nervous, worried, scared, anxious? Want some tips to make it go better?

Perfect timing. I'm hosting a free workshop tomorrow on that.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/

Inclusive. Recorded. Actually free.

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 498 , Sunday 09/03/2025

Sunday started at around 07:15 when Mrs S got up, normally I would rollover & get a bit more sleep on a Sunday but the pond filter called.

I made breakfast & got my chores out of the way then it was “once more into the breech…”.

I’ve cleaned a load of gravel today, still got loads to go though.
I finished a bit earlier today, was back in the house by 4pm, I’m hoping an early finish will mean I can get a full day in tomorrow!

The weather is due to turn noticeably colder on Tuesday so gotta put in max effort tomorrow!

Poirot & Grantchester kept us company this evening,

Final Thoughts.

This job with the pond would go so much faster with 2 people, but as per usual I have to do it alone.

Oh well, day by day until the last day,

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 497 , Saturday 08/03/2025

So Saturday started around 7am, vast quantities of noise from next door & the sun peeping thru the blinds persuaded me to get up.

Made breakfast & then got changed to go out & do some more with the reed bed filter.

Fast forward to 5pm, I’ve cleaned out the filter bed, all the gravel is out & the all the muck cleaned out.

I’ve also cleaned out the blockage in the feed pipe - a couple of feet of roots required me to take apart the gate valve that regulated the flow - quality counts, despite years underwater & all the gunk that has built up the bolts holding the assembly together came apart as if they had been only been in there a day, there was a little corrosion but not much.

So now all that is left is to clean the gravel & put it back then plant out some new reeds etc.

Watched ‘The Outfit’ (not a bad movie at all!) with a takeaway (pizza-burger & chips)

I know they say ‘no pain, no gain!’ But really does there have to be quite so much pain!

Final Thoughts.

Cleaning this filter is going to take a couple more days, I hope my body is a little less argumentative than it was yesterday or it’ll be another day of no progress. Need to get it finished before the weather tuns cold again mid week!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Is autism disclosure harder than ever? #autisticacceptance #DEI #answer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5wCNi16U1g

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 496 , Friday 07/03/2025

Friday started about 07:30, I had a bit of a disturbed night with various muscles complaining about yesterday’s abuse.

I was going to say I wandered downstairs but staggering would be a better description.

I had a quiet day, did a couple of minor chores & fixed the spray head that got broken yesterday - it’s a metal one whose Achilles heel was a weak rivet that took exception to a small piece of gravel that got caught behind the trigger.

Read my book for most of the day but had an hour or so on ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ before Mrs S finished work & came downstairs.

We had pizza while watching ‘Waking the Dead’ so not a bad evening.

Final Thoughts.

Hope I have a better nights sleep tonight so I can gird my loins & tackle the next stage of cleaning out the filter bed tomorrow.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

It's just occurred to me that phone chargers no longer scream as much as they used to.
Until relatively recently, a good number of "wall-wart" phone charger units emitted a high-pitched noise that most people couldn't hear. However, the #neurospicy amongst us, #Autistic, #ADHD and #AuDHD, often find it intrusive and uncomfortable.
However, I just realised I've not had a charger that caused a problem for 3 or 4 years.

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 494 , Wednesday 05/03/2025

Wednesday started just after 7am with breakfast & then reading my book with my coffee.

I read a little of my new book on computing - ‘But how do it know’ by J Clarke Scott - the start of a long journey to rediscover the basics of computing.

I did a little more work on the pond, I seem to have fixed the persistent leak, now it’s a case of cleaning the reed bed filter & getting the plants back in.

I had my talk therapy session with Sami just before the lunch which was hard but I guess necessary.

Played some ‘Ghost of Tsushima’ this afternoon & then we had the 3rd energy saving session in a row - pie & salad for tea just before it started. I am wholly sick of that now, if I never see another pie again it would be too soon, but Mrs S is relentless.

Watching a program about the UK’s offshore islands, I would love to live on one of the smaller ones, but Mrs S would never entertain the idea - it would be far too much effort for her.

Final Thoughts.

Chatting with folk like @UnclePJ & others about being ND & what that means I find helps me codify what I have learnt & gets me thinking about what it all means. The stuff that comes up in the therapy sessions has a similar effect.
I realise today that I have learnt a lot since this journey stated nearly 500 days ago, but I’m learning new stuff every day so this ASD journey is by no means over, there is so very much more to learn & understand.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

As someone trying to learn #python my hot take of the day is: "List Comprehension" is a dumb way to say "I'm going to create a list based on pre-determined parameters".

Yes I understand the origins. I still hate it. It itches my #neurospicy brain in the exact wrong way.

If you aren't mathematician, the word "Comprehension" comes with many other connotations and can be confusing.

You know what would make more sense? Just calling it what it is: A "List Expression"